All Means All!

This weekend Jessica and I attended the "All Means All: Called to Witness Campaign Training".

Earlier last month one of our pastors asked the both of us to be representatives from our church to this Reconciling Ministries campaign. Reconciling Ministries is a group of United Methodists whose mission it is to have equality in the Unite Methodist Church. When the Church states its mission, "Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors," Reconciling Ministries wants them to stay true to their words.

So currently there is a large campaign to push through legislation that states that no person can be denied membership based on anything (but right now the big fight is sexual orientation).

At this training we met lots of other reps from other churches and areas of the conference, all of us ready to talk to delegates and voters for Annual Conference. During this training we were prompted to share our "stories". I didn't really realize I had a story to tell, I didn't think whatever I had to say about myself was interesting enough to move anyone to change legislation.

But before the morning was over I was up at the front of the room telling my story to about 40 people I had just met.

Here's the story I told:

I have been raised United Methodist, so I guess you could say being a fan of this church was "in the beginning for me." My parents took us to church because they thought that doing so would be good for us. They have always told us, ever since we were itty bitty, that we could do anything we wanted to, our options were endless, and to shut our ears to the ones who try to hold us back and silence us.

When I was in middle school my parents transferred me to a very conservative Christian school. Around the same time I felt this HEAVY call that I was destined to be a pastor. It was the most real feeling I've ever felt in my life and there was no denying it or silencing it. Little did we realize that curriculum and theological perspective at this school (which was one in the same) was limiting and confined women, and disregarded everything my parents had raised us to be and everything my call was calling me to be.

I was amped up, jazzed, excited about this new destiny for my life! I shared it with my friends and teachers, and their reactions always seemed strange to me. They asked if I was sure it wasn't to be a pastor's wife, or a children's minister. But I was sure. It escalated to friends and teachers calling me a sinner, telling me that my duty as a woman was not being fulfilled and that God was going to be angry with me.

I knew this wasn't right, I knew that the spiritual change that was going on inside of me was more real than any of their words or even the red and black letters they were hurling at me from Romans and Psalms. My parents continued to encourage me and tell me that I was able to do whatever I wanted to do and if I wanted to transfer I could, if I wanted to go to another school and get away from it all I could. But in my heart I knew I didn't, I couldn't be silenced.

A big part of this experience has fueled my passion to become a pastor. For me being a pastor is not to memorize scripture, preach it from the pulpit and to direct and instill guilt into a congregation of very human people. It is my duty to come down from the pulpit and hear all of the stories from everyone, not only in my congregation but out on the street, in the house next to mine, behind me in the grocery store. It is my duty to hear them and speak for them, to be their voice when they are being silenced.

I know this feeling. When the voices of the majority are much louder than your own and take it upon themselves to silence you. As it stands in the UM church right now, I will probably not be able to be a pastor in my church that I so love. There is legislation that says that because I am gay I cannot preach, teach, and be called Rev. They are making me feel like I am forced to choose between my calling and being open in my sexuality. Which is more important to me? I cannot choose! To me they are so connected, they are so tied. I know God has equipped me for ministry in this church, and I refuse to be silenced!

I know this fight will take a long time. We are only currently focusing on membership rights, among many things outside of the church. So I know my personal issue will take some time, but I'm willing to wait until all truly does mean all!