My love letter to Trinity UMC

So last week my pastor asked me along with 2 other people to speak at this Sunday's services about why we love Trinity. I really loved sharing this, but wow, it was emotional and vulnerable. 2 things I really have a hard time doing in front of a large group.

Here's my love letter to Trinity UMC:

When I was a kid my parents sent me to this great summer camp every year, probably to get me to unwind my rambunctious spirit that was ready to break free after school had let out. But I usually came back from camp more fired up for more activity. When I was twelve I came back home from camp that summer and something was different. You see I had come back and had felt a different kind of spirit moving inside of me in a way I had never felt before. I had experienced an awakening in myself, and I was certain that in the future I was going to be a pastor. I can’t explain how I knew this, but I did. I had lots of questions and worries, feelings of fear and being inadequate. But my local church supported me, helped me explore what ministry was and helped foster the growth of my gifts that they recognized as ‘gifts for ministry.’

Jump ahead to 2007. 3 years ago, it was my senior year at Southwestern University, I had all my plans figured out, I knew who I was and where I was going. I assumed I was straight and I was going to seminary to become a United Methodist pastor, I had it all figured out. But I wasn’t prepared for what would happen next. Something else began to stir inside of me again, turned my world upside down, something I had never felt before, and something so strong and incredibly true. I had fallen madly in love with my best friend, Jessica. We’ve been together for almost three years and if you ask me how much I love her, I will tell you more than the depths of anything any part of me could ever reach.

It wasn’t long after coming out, that I realized that two very prominent aspects of me, my call to ministry and my newly discovered sexual orientation were seen as “incompatible with Christian teaching” to the denomination and the church that had supported me through much of my young and adolescent life. It was the United Methodist Church that had recognized my call, they were the ones who helped foster and identify my gifts, and they were the ones who had surrounded me with all the support a community of faith should. But I guess now they could only support part of me. Even though I was heart-broken, I was determined to continue on this path, hoping that things would change.

When Jessica and I started to think about our future together we talked about the areas in our life that were important to grow and focus on as a couple. One of those things was to find a supportive faith community. We knew we needed a community that not only supported us as a couple but a place that would be open to our individual experiences, beliefs and gifts. We found that and so much more here at Trinity.

The first day we walked through those doors, we sat down and immediately connected to the energy that fills this space. Each week we began to feel more and more connected, more and more supported, more and more loved. We were hooked!

By being a part of this community, I have been given so many opportunities to build a fuller version of myself. I am able to tap into a more mature spiritual lens than I had before by being a part of WNL classes, listening to Sid’s sermons, and through the variety of worship experiences here. I see God as being much more loving and present among us, through your prayers that you share every week, giving me the space to share mine, and to know that the love that this group embodies will go with me when I leave this place. I have

I have found much needed strength to go through my candidacy for ordination in the most honest way, as the complete version of myself, knowing that I will probably be denied ordination because of it. When that happens I know that I can turn to this community to surround me with love and support.

This is the type of community that I long our larger denomination to mirror, I long for our world to mirror. I don’t want to be mistaken as sounding too idealistic; I know that even the best communities have their flaws. But from my experience, I step into this space every week and I see a glimpse of what the world could be like.

Starhawk, an American writer, eco-feminist and activist, has a really wonderful way of seeing community, and is how I feel about Trinity:

We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free.-

Peace, Peace, Peace

Peace is a very limited theme in my life. As much as I fight for peace, advocate for it and promote it in the lives of others, it is very hard for me to find it within my own life. I'm a very anxious and unsettled person in much of my nature, or maybe its just my 20's. :)

In the last month or so, a level of peace has come and settled in its place, there are a couple of reasons for this.. at least I think.

The Assessment
I met with my mentor a couple of weeks ago for the second time. Before we met I had to complete the IRAI (Inventory of Religious Activities and Interests), which is basically just a big assessment on what type of ministry I might be lead into, where my gifts currently are being used and what areas I might need to foster more growth. The bulk of the assessment broke up the different roles that I will take on as a pastor and what percentage of "me" is currently divied up to those roles.

Here they are: (highest possible score is 100) along with their explanation behind each role.

Counselor-69 (moderately high) Bringing comfort to persons in need, helping persons with problems.

Administrator- 56 (average) Planning, promoting, and executing various church related programs

Teacher- 38 (moderately low) Teaching and directing Christian education in a local church

Scholar- 71 (moderately high) Scholarly reading, study, research, and/or teaching persons in a college

Evangelist- 54 (average) Various types of evangelistic work, contacting persons for Christ (I really have a problem with that language)

Spiritual Guide- 58 (average) Talking about religious topics, help persons develop their faith

Reformer- 98 (Very High) Seeking social justice, working in community improvement programs.

Priest- 88 (Very High) Conducting public worship, sacraments, and liturgy.

Preacher- 62 (moderately high) Preaching and public speaking developing speaking skills

Musician- 2 (Very Low) Directing a local church music program (assuming musical training)

It really is very unsettling for me to be assessed and especially to assess myself. I will sit and over think every single question, hoping that maybe it will just disappear if I think about it hard enough. It never does though.
When the results came out, I became a little flustered because so much of my job that I do now is a "Teacher" and so much of my personal self is a "Spiritual Guide". So when I scored somewhat low on those roles I felt kind of hurt. But my mentor really put it into perspective for me. We discussed how these are where I am now, and that in 20 years, heck even 2 months my roles might look different. The roles that I never thought I would portray as high as I did, were the highest. So we discussed what it would be like to see myself in those roles. We also talked about how this could be used as a tool, to help guide me in fostering growth in all areas.

My mentor suggested becoming more a part of worship at Trinity and also to find someone to shadow who is at the 'reforming' level of the church. This next month we are going to talk about my "Wesleyan Dimensions of Call", big title that actually has some great aspects to it. So more to come on that soon!


The Class

Its been a long time since I've felt peace in my work. I'm constantly surrounded by crisis and things that need immediate attention. Since I was twelve I'd felt a very specific calling to be a pastor, and this calling and everything that I did to 'fullfill' it was comforting, purposeful and filled me with peace. But around my Junior year I began to struggle with a lot of feelings and looking back much to do with my sexuality. But it was like one day everything that I had put into my future as a pastor was just taken away. All of the certainty that I knew, all of the confidence I had in myself to be a leader was gone, and I really haven't felt THAT confident since then, until now.

My pastor Sid asked me a few weeks ago to teach a Wednesday night class at our church on homosexuality and the Bible. I was really honored and excited when he asked me but quickly it sunk in and the nerves got the better of me. I thought of all the amazing classes I've taken at church and how much they remind me of some of the religion classes I took at Southwestern, they were scholarly, all of the teachers were so knowledgeable and everyone in the class seemed like they had an extra gig of smarts than I had. So how could I possibly be qualified to teach a class? Especially one that is sooo based on scripture and reading with historical context and knowledge of Biblical times.

I prepared the first lesson so diligently, I wanted to make sure that I knew my stuff and that my age and life experience (or lack of) wasn't my first impression. It was very interesting how quickly those feelings about me and how I would look subsided, and feelings of care for the people who were going to join my class, most of whom I hadn't even met came. I'd like to think that maybe this is a sign of finding some maturity in this calling of mine.

15 people came to my first class. I was so shocked. Not only from the amount of people who had an interest in the class I was teaching but the feeling I had while leading the class. My second week was even better! When I think about finding words to describe how being in that moment was like, I begin to type words and quickly erase them because they don't quite fit the magnitude of overwhelming peace that I felt. It like I was going through the motions, not like it was being ingenuine, but like my body to the depths of my soul had found another piece (and peace) of what it was made for.

What comes to mind are words from C.S. Lewis, an author who I'm not usually apt to quote, but I felt like his words were so fitting.

"All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it- tantalizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it really should become manifest- if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself- you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say, "Here at last is the thing I was made for." We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our partners or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows partner or friend or work. While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all." C.S. Lewis

A Much Needed Update

I want to apologize to my few faithful readers. I know I kind of left you all with a cliff-hanger from the last post. I honestly didn’t realize how busy my life would be these last couple of months. Work, my personal life and just the day to day has been incredibly busy and I feel like I haven’t stopped to breathe until right now.

I know a lot of you are waiting to hear how my first meeting went with my mentor and part of my delay in post has been because of that. Our meetings together have a great level of confidentiality and trust built in, and I really want to be careful to not break that confidentiality or trust. So I’m sorry that I can’t share with you on this public forum if I was able to tell her about the entirety of who I am. If you are really dying to know, please feel free to email me, call me, ask me to go to coffee. I’d love to share with you how that first meeting went on that front.

I went to meet her and as you can imagine I was pretty nervous. I’m not very good with opening up to others on first meetings; I’m usually pretty closed and cautious. It’s a barrier that I cause on my own, and am pushing myself to step out a little. I was also kind of scared as to what was going to be happening in my spiritual life as a result of the next 8-9 months going through this process and this meeting was stepping out of the starting gate for me.

I drove up to a church very similar to the one I grew up in, brick and columns, great landscaping, multiple buildings for programs and activities, and in a family-oriented community. The surroundings made me feel more comfortable, but I quickly realized that I was much different now than the Britt who grew up in Martin UMC. I walked up to the administration building and introduced myself to the secretary at the front, told her who I was and that I was there to meet my mentor. She smiled warmly and invited me to take a seat and to wait a few minutes while she let he know I was there.

My mentor came around the corner with a warm and welcoming spirit, introduced herself and led me around the corner to her office. We sat and talked for about an hour and a half. I was so nervous I talked for the majority of the time, DOPE! The completely opposite thing that I would normally do when meeting a new person. After I left I felt awful about this, I’m there to learn and let my nerves get in the way of my interest in getting to know her and learning from her experience. I’m sure she could tell I was nervous and was overcompensating with my lack of conversation skills.  We decided to meet again in early January, and I’ve been really excited about it ever since!

I’m really excited about learning from someone who can help and support me in my call to ministry because they’ve been in a similar place of following God’s call. I was thinking the other day how long it had been since I’ve had someone who has taken this role in my life; it’s been since high school or even middle school. SOOO much has happened in my life since then that honestly it’s a miracle that I’ve made it this far on my own. That’s a long time to go feeling that you are on this journey by yourself. So I’m really excited about this new mentor relationship that is forming and will help awaken in me tools for my journey.

This coming year is going to be filled with a lot of life changing events/decisions/random occurrences. I’m looking forward to it and trembling at the thought of it. I’ve decided to take things slower than I normally had planned. I was going to apply for seminary for the Fall of 2010 but have decided to postpone that for another year. I feel at peace with the decision and see new opportunities that I can experience because of it. 1) I don’t know what is going to come of my candidacy process and would like to be able to make a decision about seminary when I’m able to fully focus on that. As well as to be able to properly deal with anything that happens where I will need proper space and time to deal with. 2) I would like to take the mentor portion of this process as it was meant to be, a process, not something that needs to be rushed through in order to receive more funding for grad school (to those of you who did that, no hard feelings towards you, I just need to do it a different way). 3) I have a job that’s teaching me every day what it means to meet the needs of the world; I still have some more learning to do from this job. 4) I would like to spend some time volunteering and being more a part of my community. I would like to be able to do that for just the purpose of enjoying it.

So I have another busy year of growing into myself! I will try to keep you all updated with what is going on a little better than I have in the past few months. If I fail at it please forgive me, or better yet, just pick up the phone and call me, email me or facebook me. I’d love to share with you the adventure that I am on!

Statement of Call

So I've sent in my statement of call to my district superintendent as of 9:00 am this morning.

YAY!

I'm really looking forward to this process, and by looking forward to it I mean scared out of my mind. And by scared out of my mind I mean, really ready and excited!

It was a lot harder than I had anticipated to sum up my calling and the direction of that call into a nicely formatted document. I talk about it all the time, and I share it with you all here, so I don't know why it was so hard for me to write it to my district superintendent. Maybe because its such an official kind of thing or because it kind of marks the beginning of this process for me and I know it will be a long road. Or maybe its because I'm too hard on myself and want this to look perfect. Anyways, I'm glad I'm done with it and I'm happy with what I've sent it off!

Now I'm waiting on my D.S. to assign me a candidacy mentor! I'm really looking forward to learning from someone and having a mentor, keep your eyes peeled for an update, hopefully soon!

I thought I would share with you all the statement of call that I submitted as well:

My call to ministry has been a beautiful ribbon that God has woven in, out and around my life. Many times it has been very evident and at other times less visible, but always keeping very close to my heart and to my consciousness. I have felt this call to ministry since I was twelve, when I found myself drawn to sit quietly at the lake shore of a summer camp while all of my peers were running as fast as they could to afternoon activities. I sat all afternoon in conversation with God, pondering together what was in the making for my life. I left that holy ground with more questions than answers, but also a great sense of comfort knowing that God would be with me.

The pastors that served my church when I was a youth were very integral to the realization of my calling. They allowed me to preach in worship, shadow them in home visits to members of the church, and met with me often to help me discern my call. In my undergraduate work at Southwestern University, I sat at the feet of many wise individuals hoping to soak in as much knowledge as I could while going through my inquiry process. When I graduated two years ago from Southwestern University, I began serving in the nonprofit community, opening myself to the many experiences that this work offered to my future ministry. I attend Trinity UMC in Austin, and by being a part of this accepting and loving family, I have witnessed what it means to be in true community and in ministry. The Holy Spirit has continued calling me back to the lake shore through these experiences which have revealed and confirmed to me that I am being called to ordained ministry.

I believe that I am being called into ordained ministry to deliver a message of God’s all-encompassing love to a hurting and desperately searching world. I believe that this is the message that God calls us all to experience with each other and was beautifully modeled through Jesus. I’ve witnessed the maturing of my gifts for ministry through the encounters with life that God has led me through. I feel that God has gifted me with an open heart that has the capacity to be receptive to experiences different than my own and to be genuinely approachable in learning with others in discussing our collective experiences. I have a curious and seeking heart that continually wants to learn and know more about this Great Mystery. God has given me a great desire to be with others in their time of need, to deliver words of encouragement and guidance, to lead a community into deeper meaning of what it means to be a follower of Jesus and to live that message boldly, to offer healing and reconciliation to a hurting world, and to be a voice to the silenced, oppressed and marginalized.

Reflections on Convocation

I'm so sorry that you faithful readers haven't had a post about convo when you expected it. It took me quite awhile to step back from my experience and observe. But as promised, here you go.

***Warning Looong Post| There are Titles to Help***

DEEP INTO THE WILDERNESS
As I drove through the majestic Rocky Mountains, I couldn’t keep my eyes fixated on anything long enough for them to be distracted by another gorgeous display of God’s continuing creation. The hour and a half drive from the Denver airport to the YMCA at Estes Park was the perfect introduction to what this weekend of convocation would be like for me. I was excited to meet others with similar stories, learn more about inclusion and love, and to quiet my heart to hear the Spirit calling in the wilderness (both literally and figuratively).


BELIEVE OUT LOUD
I have committed myself to a campaign in which “United Methodists will gather in fifty annual conference teams to tell their stories and join the movement for full inclusion of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities” (rmnetwork.org). The larger campaign is called Called to Witness, and the effort for the next year is called “Believe Out Loud.” CTW (Called to Witness) comes from the theory that people don’t change until they know the stories of others. For more information about this campaign: http://tinyurl.com/luwtvo

I am one of three Annual Conference trainers with the task to facilitate this campaign in our AC. The training for this campaign was on Friday, the first day of convocation. Most of the training was about learning to tell our stories. We know that people don’t feel connected to a cause unless they know someone personally touched by the issue or if their story connects with the issue as well. So I’d like to share my story with you about why I am a Reconciling United Methodist:

BRITT’S STORY OF WHY SHE IS A RECONCILING METHODIST:
I spent most of my life as a United Methodist. I have made lifelong friends from Sunday school as a child, formed much of my early faith from experiences in my youth group, and have deep roots as a Wesleyan by the traditions I was a part of in the church. When I was twelve years old I received a call to ordained ministry, I remember feeling more sure of this than anything in my heart, that I was meant to be a pastor. I was so excited about this feeling and the assurance it gave me about God’s will in my life, I wanted to share it with those who were closest to me.

At that time I was also attending a conservative Christian private school, and most of the student body reflected that type of theology. I came to school with a full heart ready to share the news of my calling. When I told my friends about what I was feeling their reaction was that my place was not in the pulpit but behind the man in it. I was crushed, confused and hurt. I told my parents what had happened and what I was feeling, they then took that opportunity to teach me “to not let anyone silence you and who you are Britt.”

A few years down the line, I still felt a strong call to ministry in the UMC, but had come out as a lesbian. I was quickly aware of what the denomination I was planning on serving felt about my sexual orientation, that I was “incompatible with Christian teaching.” All of the feelings of hurt, fear, being silenced came back. I couldn’t understand how God could call me to such important work but also create me as something incompatible with that calling? I quickly remembered the teaching of my parents, “do not let anyone silence who you are.”

A big part of this experience has fueled my passion to become a pastor and a Reconciling United Methodist. For me, being a pastor is not to memorize scripture, preach it from the pulpit and to direct and instill guilt into a congregation of very human people. It is my duty to come down from the pulpit and hear all of the stories from everyone, not only in my congregation but out on the street, in the house next to mine, behind me in the grocery store. It is my duty to hear them and speak for them just as they are, to be their voice when they are being silenced. That is why I am a reconciling United Methodist.

THE HIKE
On Saturday afternoon I thought it would be really wonderful to go on a hike in the Rockies. I had never been to Colorado before, and what I perfect way to experience it than to hike it! This story displays my true inexperienced wilderness Texan self.

We started off with our guide on the trail, and it was such a pleasant walk. We saw elk, wild turkeys, chipmunks, and lots of bear poop, but no bears thank goodness. We made our way through the winding hills and around streams to a large clearing. The clearing was at the base of a small range of mountains that had a small river running through them that was fed by a glacier. It was here when we arrived that all the heavens opened and it began to rain. It was a little chilly but I thought it was kind of nice to have some weather come along, it made for an adventure. We climbed into some hills for our trek back to camp and when we arrived at the peak of this large hill it began to lightening… a lot. I was pretty scared to be up there with all the trees and the clearings that basically called to the lightening, “She’s right here, strike her!” But we kept pressing on. Eventually, it began hailing, yes, hailing. My poor little legs were so cold and were being bruised by all of these small bb’s falling from a heavenly bb gun. OUCH! The temperature dropped significantly, and it quickly felt like a winter day in the mountains. Far from the feeling of the 70 degree weather we had left down below.
Finally when we got to the end of the hike it was pouring and I was soaked and bruised up. My fingers felt like they were falling asleep and I had to keep moving them to wake them up.
Even though it was a death defying experience (jk) it was an adventure and I truly enjoyed it! 

Meeting a Trailblazer

On Saturday I was passing by a friend I had met at the conference who was walking with an elderly woman. The woman I did not know looked really familiar. Amy walked up and introduced the woman she was with as Jeanne Audrey Powers. As soon as that name was uttered I knew exactly who she was. Jeanne Audrey was one of the first women ordained in the UM church. She made her way up the ladder within the Church and eventually became Associate General Secretary on the General Commission of Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns in the 1970’s. In 1996 she was at RMN convocation and during the middle of her sermon she came out as a lesbian. She became the highest-ranking United Methodist official to acknowledge that she is gay. I remember hearing about this story in my teenage years when I was felt called to ministry, not identifying as a lesbian yet, I still felt connected to her story and her struggle. She had made many of the paths easier for me to cross as a woman called to ministry because she had already endured them. Now as an out lesbian and a called clergy-to-be, her story and life mean more to me than ever.

So to meet such a spiritual giant who will be the in history of the UM church for forever was a humongous milestone for my life. I shook her hand and said something to the effect that it was nice to meet her and I hope she has a nice convocation. Then about 40 yards down the path after they had passed, I wanted to ram my head into the nearest tree. How could I have not told her what she means to me? So I found her later that evening and apologized and told her how long I had known of her story and how thankful I was for her life and ministry. She was very humble and gracious and agreed to be pen pals with me!  So I will be writing her often to sit at the feet of her experience and wisdom. I’m very excited about this!

The Thin Space
I love the description of the place where God meets you as the “thin space”. That space where the divide between human and divine are almost seamless. I don’t believe that this was how it was supposed to be, that we feel this separateness from our creator. I believe that our culture, history, the American dream, selfishness of others, wars, misinterpretation, fears, insecurities, anger, apathy, etc. etc. etc., step in between to create that massive space that we feel between ourselves and anything holy. I believe that the divine is so much closer than we realize. So when I come to a place where I can feel the seams melting away, I want to dance, and bow and take my sandals off, and stay as long as I can. Intimate worship is that thin space for me.

Convocation worship was life changing. I allowed myself to open up to things that were outside of my tradition and to connect to the familiar. We sang spirituals, songs in Spanish and Swahili, praise songs, and even ones that were secular. Communion was more intimate than I had ever experienced and took on a special meaning for me in working for ALL being invited to the table. Prayers were said in different languages, were exchanged between seat neighbors, read from centuries past and from the present, were cried and sung. My body could not physically contain the release that this worship brought to me, I cried every time.

Ordination and Being Me
I was a part of a workshop called “Ordination and Social Change,” on Saturday. It was really informative and basically described the process of ordination. A representative from the Board of Higher Education was there to lead the workshop. It really got me thinking about ordination, ministry and my life, realizing that to the Church they contradict one another. My ministry and my sexual orientation don’t match up with what the Church sees as compatible with Christian teaching. Therefore, if I’m open about my life and open about my sexual orientation then there is a very strong chance that I will not be ordained.

So I feel that I have a decision to make. What is the plan? How open do I plan to be? Is it right to work myself up to a place of power in order to help promote change? Or is using my ability to conceal this part of my identity as best as I can, fair to others who can’t? What happens if I’m discovered (not like I’m trying so hard not to be) and then defrocked? I know that this is kind of the worst-case-scenario that my mentality is in, but I really think it’s okay for me to be thinking this way. I have a lot of questions for about what I’m supposed to be doing with this calling and the current situation I’m in, but it seems that all the answers aren’t coming at once, just more questions.

Convocation was really wonderful to be a part of because even though I started to feel antsier about my future and what my plan of action will be, I met others who were in a very similar situation. I learned that I’m not alone, that there is a family within the church that loves me and sees me for me and not for who I love.

So please keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers as I’m going through this process.

Stepping out of the wilderness
I wasn’t ready to leave Colorado. Being secluded, safe and sure of myself allowed me the time to charge my battery. I was able to be still and listen to the small whispers of the Spirit through the beauty of nature and creation around me; I didn’t want to come back to the hustle and bustle. My life lives in a clanging city, where I can’t hear the whispers of things beyond me. It was refreshing to finally sit and be, and to invite the holy to join.

I’m glad to be home but still crave for more time in the wilderness. No wonder Jesus took forty days. I’m ready to start this work towards full inclusion along with my candidacy. This blog will start to have interesting content for sure from this incredible adventure I will be embarking on.

Pre-Trip Reflection

Today is laundry day. I'm sitting here at the back corner of a local "Quick Rinse" laundromat since our roommate Alan has yet to find a worth electronic washboard and clothesline. So as I'm sitting here in between "Speed Queen" #1 & #2 and the wash is moving to the rinse cycle, I thought I'd take some time to reflect on the upcoming weekend.

In my last post I shared a letter from Mark Tooley at UMAction to Reconciling Ministries Network. I hope it fired you up as much as it did for me. This coming weekend I'm flying to Estes Park, Colorado (thanks to a generous donation from a couple of people in my conference) to learn, observe, fellowship, and grow while at the RMN Convocation. Convocation is a time to "rest, relax, and restore in the beauty of God's creation; learn, organize, and launch reconciling initiatives; pray, play and sing the new creation into action." This is a time for those of us who are passionate about an inclusive body of Christ to come together and plan for change, encourage one another and to learn from one another. I cannot tell you how excited, nervous, ready, apprehensive, curious, energized, etc, I am to be a part of this upcoming weekend.

For a long time I have felt a very strong pull/call (whatever you call your own) to be in ministry. In the early years, I didn't know what that would look like. Until the day I was given the opportunity to preach in my home church. And as Wesley would describe it, "My heart was strangely warmed." I believe that experience was meant to reveal y call to ordained ministry.

A couple of years ago, I realized there was another part of myself that was pulling and calling. It was something that I had felt at other times in my life, but this time I could not ignore it any longer, it had hit me like a ton of bricks and it came in the form of an incredible woman who is now my partner. I was bewildered, confused and scared. But came through it and came out of the wilderness finding a very true sense of who God created me to be. I believe that this experience was meant to reveal my calling to ordained ministry and to be a voice for the silence and scared, and to deliver a message of hope to those on the fringes.

As I'm gearing up to go to convo, I know this will also be another experience that will reveal another key detail of the journey in ministry that I am on. I'm excited to share with all of you my thoughts, feelings, experiences, conversations, and revelations that this weekend will bring.

Stirring the Waters

This is an email that was sent out about the group I am a part of, Reconciling Ministries and the convocation that is going to take place in Estes Park at the beginning of September. This email is from Mark Tooley and the Institute on Religion & Democracy:

We can be grateful that The United Methodist Church is NOT following the Episcopal Church into its sad and schismatic affirmation of openly homosexual clergy and eventual same-sex rites. Thankfully, the liberal attempt to separate the U.S. church from African United Methodists and to liberalize local church membership standards has been defeated, seemingly, in the votes on proposed constitutional amendments at the annual conferences this year. We give God the thanks.

But United Methodist pro-homosexuality activists are not deterred and are convening on Labor Day weekend in Estes Park, Colorado for a “Justice and Joy” celebration of Reconciling Congregation’s 25th anniversary. The speakers include the current United Methodist Bishop of Seattle, the evangelism professor at Southern Methodist University’s seminary, officers of the United Methodist General Commission on Religion and Race, a former official of the General Board of Global Ministries, a former president of a United Methodist seminary, a former official of the United Methodist Women’s Division, and the Dean of Students at United Methodist Garrett Seminary in Chicago.

Other speakers include: Drew Phoenix, the Baltimore United Methodist minister who had a sex-change operation from female to male; Karen Oliveto, who conducted same-sex unions in defiance of United Methodist law during San Francisco’s “Summer of Love;” Sue Laurie, who “married” her female partner outside the United Methodist General Conference in Dallas last year; and Sally Sparks, a former male now professing to be female who remained “married” to his/her wife (as Sparks recounted several years ago at the “Hearts on Fire” event at Lake Junaluska).

At the 2004 General Conference in Pittsburgh, Susan Laurie approached me in a public restaurant and asked if I could relocate to another room as a “courtesy” to her, since my very presence unsettled her! So much for love and inclusiveness!

Sally Sparks, the transsexual, is leading a workshop on “transcending gender.” This theme, that all of us have a fluid gender and sexual identity, is new for the homosexual movement. Today you are a straight man, but tomorrow you could be a bisexual woman! It’s all simply a state of mind.

The ancient Christians called this confusion “Gnosticism,” the idea that thoughts and feelings could override physical reality. This event in Colorado will feature a workshop about teaching “very young children about sexual orientation and gender diversity. Participants will learn specific ways to model affirming attitudes about sexual orientation and gender difference with children.”

This is appalling and tragic. Fortunately, The United Methodist Church has rejected this destructive message of sexual confusion. Unfortunately, thousands of our ministers, seminary professors, bishops and church agency staff still believe in this corrosive agenda.

Please continue to pray and support UMAction as we unapologetically affirm traditional Christianity within our great United Methodist Church. You can donate now to our ministry of church reform here.

With appreciation,
Mark Tooley
IRD President
Director, UMAction