Horoscope

So I don't really believe in horoscopes, I mean they are so vague that it could really apply to anyone. But I always look at the horoscope section in my weekly Austin Chronicle...

This week it was written for me:

Cancer (June 21-July 22):
If you're normal, you periodically feel surges of anger that you don't express. Over time they may accumulate into a mess of blind rage that can hurt innocent bystanders, damage your relationships, and tempt you to punch holes in walls. Is there a way to keep this from happening? Yes, there is: It's my patented Laughing Tatrum Release Therapy; a five-minute ritual that you perform once a week in a private place with no witnesses. For four minutes, you fume, seethe, curse and yell. For the final 60 seconds, you compel yourself to laugh uncontrollably. This week would be an excellent time to start integrating Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy into your routine.

Wow.

For those of you who don't know me, you probably see me as someone with a pretty even temper. Many Cancers are misinterpreted this way.

I'm really good at masking my anger, I'm really good at suppressing it and letting it boil. I figure it will just go away if I try and forget about it or try and move on, but it never works that way for me. Cancers have a hard time expressing emotions, even though we are the most emotion filled people out there, we feel everything at extremes.

I've got an anger problem. DISCLAIMER: I'm working on it! I'm currently seeing one of the most amazing therapists ever and that's something we're focusing on.

But my anger has been a real problem for me in a lot of my relationships and this year its become apparent that I'm the one that needs to be doing the work. Little things bother me and make me feel unwanted and unloved, I don't communicate that so I erupt with emotion when something small comes along and is the last straw on the camels back.

There have been many times where my anger has gotten so bad that I've punched the wall, trashcans, doors, bricks, thrown chairs and trashcans anything that I can find to help me to explode. It's definitely something I'm not proud of, and have seen how its hurt the people I love. I feel like its an alter-ego, my dr. jekyl. It's unpredictable and unstoppable.

But Kelly and I are working on it. We're working on identifying my emotions in a healthy way with emoclear processes. Emoclear is a set of processes that help you to identify your feelings in every way, physical, spiritual, mental. So I'm working on it. It's just so frustrating when Jekyl comes out again and I see the people that its hurting and the people I lose because of it.

But hopefully one day it won't be like that anymore, hopefully I'll be able to take control of my feelings instead of having them control me.