Kings N Things.

Last night was a lot of fun! I went to the Kings N Things Birthday party at Elysium. I've decided that I really like to go out. Well, maybe, I've gotta be in the mood. And I'm a grandma and get tired around 10 pm, but when I've gotten enough sleep I looove to go out and dance!! So much fun!

The show was pretty cool. They 'sang' to a bunch of different songs, even one from Wicked. And they attempted to dance at a few of them. I mean I know I could teach them a few things about both of those ;). I'm a natural performer ;) HAHA!! JK

But they all had these cool names, like 'Avery Austin', 'The Lancebian', 'Pappa Wheely' 'Cherry Poppins' 'Miles Long'. And I was so freakin jealous! I want a cool stage name! I'll be thinking and I'll let you know what you can call me.

New Favorite Artist

Katy Perry

"Thinking of you" has 2 versions... live and recorded... amazing song...





I Kissed a girl... ;)

Compline With Betsy

So last night was the best part of my week. I went to a Compline Service with my good friend Betsy at St. David's Episcopal in Austin.

Amazing service.

You go into this small, very romantic sanctuary. The room is mostly dark except for the few lights spotlighting the front. Incense comes through the room and surrounds us to let us know its time to start worship. The choir comes through and lines up in an arrow pointing to the altar at the front, and they begin to sing.

The whole service is this beautiful choral homage to God. Absolutely beautiful music. If you close your eyes you feel like you are entering the gates of heaven.

I loooved it! Betsy and I were talking about it afterwards and we both commented that it was such a great service because it didn't require anything for you and it was beautiful because of its simplicity. All you had to do was sit there and be.

Refreshing.

Horoscope

So I don't really believe in horoscopes, I mean they are so vague that it could really apply to anyone. But I always look at the horoscope section in my weekly Austin Chronicle...

This week it was written for me:

Cancer (June 21-July 22):
If you're normal, you periodically feel surges of anger that you don't express. Over time they may accumulate into a mess of blind rage that can hurt innocent bystanders, damage your relationships, and tempt you to punch holes in walls. Is there a way to keep this from happening? Yes, there is: It's my patented Laughing Tatrum Release Therapy; a five-minute ritual that you perform once a week in a private place with no witnesses. For four minutes, you fume, seethe, curse and yell. For the final 60 seconds, you compel yourself to laugh uncontrollably. This week would be an excellent time to start integrating Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy into your routine.

Wow.

For those of you who don't know me, you probably see me as someone with a pretty even temper. Many Cancers are misinterpreted this way.

I'm really good at masking my anger, I'm really good at suppressing it and letting it boil. I figure it will just go away if I try and forget about it or try and move on, but it never works that way for me. Cancers have a hard time expressing emotions, even though we are the most emotion filled people out there, we feel everything at extremes.

I've got an anger problem. DISCLAIMER: I'm working on it! I'm currently seeing one of the most amazing therapists ever and that's something we're focusing on.

But my anger has been a real problem for me in a lot of my relationships and this year its become apparent that I'm the one that needs to be doing the work. Little things bother me and make me feel unwanted and unloved, I don't communicate that so I erupt with emotion when something small comes along and is the last straw on the camels back.

There have been many times where my anger has gotten so bad that I've punched the wall, trashcans, doors, bricks, thrown chairs and trashcans anything that I can find to help me to explode. It's definitely something I'm not proud of, and have seen how its hurt the people I love. I feel like its an alter-ego, my dr. jekyl. It's unpredictable and unstoppable.

But Kelly and I are working on it. We're working on identifying my emotions in a healthy way with emoclear processes. Emoclear is a set of processes that help you to identify your feelings in every way, physical, spiritual, mental. So I'm working on it. It's just so frustrating when Jekyl comes out again and I see the people that its hurting and the people I lose because of it.

But hopefully one day it won't be like that anymore, hopefully I'll be able to take control of my feelings instead of having them control me.

YAY GREY'S ANATOMY!!

This was the first kiss 2 weeks ago, I will post the one last night later when its up on youtube.

Last nights episode was amazing. I hope that they become a couple!!

Well Oiled Machine

I long to be steel.
Made of cranks and cogs.
Bolts and gears.
Strong to the core.
Working in perfect sync.
Never shutting down, always moving, constant.

I'm faulty, a condemned machine.
Recalled, like a car seat, kitchen appliance, or plastic toy filled with lead.
Contradictorily toxic to others.

I envy the machine.
It continues to work,
even when its raining, if its a monday, or if its unloved.
It doesn't bend, it doesn't cry, it doesn't feel.
I envy the machine.

Bring it!

Well things are definitely strange right now.

I'm currently living in my apt, by myself, hardly any furniture, and no television. My friends came over the other day and told me it looks like a bachelor pad. HAHA! But things are just kind of slow right now. They'll pick up after summer.

I was talking with my mom this weekend and she commented that she thinks I've done a lot of growing this past year. Which coming from her, I really appreciated and took as a great compliment. I love my mom and was really happy that I got so spend some good time with her this weekend. She's someone I have the greatest deal of respect and love for, so when she tells me something like that, I really have to mull over it for awhile.

I was thinking about what she said on the 5:45 am flight I had this morning from Dallas. It's been a loooong year. And thankfully I'm glad that its about to pass the year mark of when I broke off a wedding. I feel like earlier this year that's something I was defined by. It was a hard thing to do and come to terms with. Moving on with my life was hard too because not everyone outside of myself were ready. But I had to keep doing what was best for me and for the the pursuit of myself.

I graduated from college last year and had to start and make my mark in the working world. Even though I work in nonprofit its a new and crazy beast you have to learn how to tame. I've learned how to do my job well and how to show confidence in my abilities. This was something I didn't know how to do effectively.

I started to explore and come to an understanding of my sexuality. Something I always questioned, but quickly stopped in its tracks when I did. I never knew that this would be the thing that God would use to bring me more in tune with him. It was a struggle and a vomiting and recounting of all the confusing periods in my life that couldn't be explained at those times, and yet they seemed so normal when I was going through them.

I came to understand what my confusing feelings were for my best friend, and realized that this was love. Something that had permeated my heart farther and deeper than any person, experience, or feeling ever had before. This was the place in my life and the person that I felt most comfortable with as myself, stripped of all the facade and masks. I could be me, whatever that meant, even if that was changing.

Even though I had disposed of every inch of the person that I once was, and still have no clue who the complete me is, I am hopeful because I know full well that this is a life time process to figure out. There are going to be more years like this one. There will be more hurt and confusion, more joy and celebration, more scenic drives and more turning around to find another route. It's life, it can't be trying to make everything and every feeling comfortable and perfect.

So if there is another year in store like this past year, I'm ready for it. Bring it!

YAY CALIFORNIA!!

I'd like to share some news that is making my heart sooo overjoyed!

California Becomes Second State to Recognize Marriage Equality for Same-Sex Couples

HRC Hails Landmark Decision As Latest Step Toward Full Equality


5/15/2008

WASHINGTON — Today, the California Supreme Court reversed a lower court decision and ruled that same-sex couples have the same right to marry as opposite-sex couples under the state constitution. The court ruled that it is a violation of the state constitution to deny same-sex couples the right to marry, and that providing rights to same-sex couples through a separate system of domestic partnerships does not satisfy the state constitution.

"This is a historic day for the state of California, and a long-awaited day for the plaintiffs in this case and their families," said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. "The California Supreme Court has made clear that same-sex couples in committed relationships and their families deserve the same level of respect afforded to opposite-sex couples. The court did its job by ensuring that the state constitution provides the same rights and protections for everyone. This is a decision that strengthens California families."

Solmonese continued, "We congratulate and commend the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal, the ACLU, Heller Ehrman, the Law Office of David C. Codell, Equality California, Our Family Coalition and, of course, the courageous plaintiff couples and their families who looked to the courts to defend their rights."

The court’s decision involved several consolidated cases, collectively referred to as In re Marriage Cases. The cases were filed in 2004. In March 2005, a state trial court ruled that, under the state constitution, same-sex couples must be permitted to marry. In October 2006, the California Court of Appeal reversed the trial court in a 2-1 decision. The California Supreme Court’s decision today overrules the Court of Appeal’s decision.

A growing number of states are providing relationship recognition to same-sex couples. California joins Massachusetts to become the second state to recognize civil marriage for same-sex couples. Five other states provide same-sex couples with access to all the state level benefits and responsibilities of marriage, either through civil unions or domestic partnerships. Three other states and Washington, D.C. provide same-sex couples with at least some of the basic benefits and protections made available to married heterosexual couples. However, because of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, same-sex couples do not receive federal rights and benefits in any state.

Key results from the ruling:
Same-sex couples in California will now be able to obtain a civil marriage license and receive the same respect and protections afforded to all married couples.
Churches and other religious institutions will not have to recognize or perform ceremonies for these civil marriages. This ruling is not about religion; it’s about the civil responsibilities and protections afforded through a government-issued civil marriage license.
The court’s decision does not entitle same-sex couples in California to receive the federal rights and benefits extended to married couples. The so-called federal Defense of Marriage Act discriminates against same-sex married couples by denying them over 1,000 federal rights and benefits, including social security benefits, the ability to file a joint federal tax return, and the right to petition for a spouse to immigrate.
Other states may legally recognize the civil marriages of same-sex couples performed in California in the same way they recognize out-of-state marriages by different-sex couples.
The court’s decision today does not change the law in any other state, or federal law.
The Human Rights Campaign and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation signed onto an amicus or "friend of the court" brief in the consolidated cases to support and further explain the case for extending civil marriage rights to same-sex couples under the state constitution. A number of other civil rights organizations, religious groups, child welfare experts, law professors, family and legal historians and others also signed or filed briefs in favor of extending civil marriage laws to same-sex couples.