East to West

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning, in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You
But You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6zdihmwy1M

The imagery in this song just really gets me to the brink of tears almost every time I hear it. I feel like this song depicts where I am in my spiritual journey right now. I feel like I'm yearning for peace and rest, and have been yearning for God to show me just how powerful his way truly is. He's slowly taking me there, and showing me things one at a time, and I feel anxious at times to just get there already, but I believe he's doing this slower than I would prefer so I can recognize his voice.

I really didn't realize how much the storm I've been in was drowning out so much truth about myself and about God. It's a strange thing when you don't realize you are unhappy and you aren't living the life you were meant to live. It's a violent and terrorizing storm. It's like driving in a hurricane all of your life thinking that this is the only weather that there is, so you'd better be happy about it. But when you finally come out of it and experience the sun warm on your face and illuminating everything around you, you truly feel newborn.

Could it really be true that God's grace spans as far the east is from the west? To think of grace in those terms is truly mind blowing to me. I no longer have to fit my life into a mold where I must put boundaries on my life for salvation's sake. Is there really no mold? These are questions that God is slowly answering in my life. Earlier I talked about the idea that Jesus didn't come to provide a mold for us all to try and squeeze ourselves into, he came to break it! There is a way of love and a grace that truly transcends the ways of this earth. And for us to put limitations and EXPECTATIONS on ourselves because of the ways of this life is restricting and putting limitations on what God can make of us.

I have found now that I am allowing God to truly show me how vast His ways are I am able to see the picture of what I really am/can become.