To my green eyes

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

On to the next puzzle piece

I seem to be at a new place in life, even though I didn't necessarily want to be here. I found out last week that Lifesteps (the agency I work for) lost our state funding. So what that means is I'm out of a job as of Aug. 29th. Oh dear.

That's the part of working in nonprofit that you just have to accept. Funding and opportunities come on conditions, so I kind of knew that this might happen, but it doesn't make it any easier. This job fell in my lap, and while I'm hoping that another job comes to me as easily as this one did, I know full well that it probably won't. The economy has gotten worse since then, and unemployment is at an even higher number.

And honestly its not about the money that I'm saddened by, its two things that are an even bigger loss to me. It's about leaving the amazing kids I worked so hard with this past year, knowing that they are probably going to be looked over in services and many of them will end up going down the slippery slope that I tried so hard to divert them from. Many of my kids have parents who are incarcerated, drug users, dealers, abusers, can't get a break, unemployed, working 3 jobs just to put some food in their bellies. I know that without services similar to what we provide, many of these children will end up much like their parents, either as a product of their own demise or as a product of the screwed up system that this country runs on, where more and more people can't get up on their feet. I worked hard at my job to make the lives of my kids better, to let them know that they had the potential to refuse the low expectations that they had been given and to accept that they were special, capable and cared about. I'm sad that if this message isn't reiterated that my work will have been for nothing.

I'm also very sad about leaving this family that I have found in Lifesteps. My biological family lives in Dallas, and so many times hard to feel like someone is looking out for me because that physical connection to my family back home isn't there. So the friendships and connections I have made at this place has given me something to look forward to when I wake up and drive to work each morning. I have the best boss in the world, who trusts me and encourages me, and leads me by her example of the hard work she gives everyday. She doesn't demand respect from me because she's already earned it. The executive director of our agency is the most kind hearted woman I've ever met, she not only cares about your life but she invests in it. She makes you feel like you are capable to go and take on the world. And each person here I've become comfortable around, and I feel bonded to these people in a similar mission.

But I'm hopeful that I will find something that fits my skills and my drive. I hope that I will find somewhere that will continue to allow me to explore where my gifts can intersect with the needs of the world. I have a lot to learn about the world before I become a pastor, and Lifesteps has taught me quite a bit. So I know that where God is taking me is going to be the next step in that journey. I'm moving to the next puzzle piece.

My attempt at artsy fartsy

Baby Sadie Feet







District Line

Leisha Haley... wow...

apples in london market



dying flowers













driving home

scuba?

subway

one of my favorite people in the world

drinkin

addict

strawberry

wine tasting

blue water

boat

Time to Ride!

Last week I bought a new bike!!

YAY! I'm planning on trying to ride at least 3-4 times a week, try to lose some weight, and just enjoy being outdoors more.

It doesn't have a name quite yet, but it takes awhile for the character of the bike to develop. :)

So yeah for new hobbies!

Pictures to come soon!

Lesbian Rant

So this weekend I went to a birthday party of a friend of mine. I went with Jessica and we really didn't know many people there and the people we did know we didn't know exceptionally well, except for the birthday boy of course.

After a few drinks and about an hour of conversation this one person in particular decides that they know me well enough to make comments about my girlfriend and I. The comments ranged from flat out stupidity to down right disrespect. I literally thought for a brief moment that I was on some kind of hidden camera show.

The most unbelievable part about it was that I was so taken off guard that I just sat there. I was in such shock and disbelief that this person would even think to make comments like that, that I just stood there and the only thing I could muster up to defend her and myself was "Shut up!"

UGG! It made me so angry that someone can just have the audacity to assume they are the expert on your life and that they can make comments like that and think that I'm going to be okay with that. I wouldn't let my family or my best of friends say anything close to what this person was saying, how could I let someone who has known me for an hour do that? Why did I let him do that? It makes me so angry that this person used their privelage (white, heterosexual, male) to be discriminatory and harass another individual, and ultimately use the idea of 2 women being together for their own gratification. I've never experienced this type of discrimination and all I could do was just sit there and take it.

I knew that if I lashed out and became violent and angry that would just put more power into his hands. I would be seen as the 'irrational, angry, emotional, lesbian' on my power train. And yet I also let him speak like that about my relationship and about my girlfriend to where I wasn't strong enough in word or in body to defend any of those things. I felt like a coward.

But also I could see where this was being fueled from. The more I came to know this person (in the small amount of time that I did), the more insecurity I could see. I saw how much power I had over this individual, how much power this guy was allowing my relationship to have over him. He couldn't recognize nor celebrate the love that is abounding in my relationship, because it threatened him. He might not realize this, but my relationship with my girlfriend was threatening to his privilege, I had taken away his power. So he tries to use this power even more to make himself feel more in control and powerful.

So I guess what I can do to combat this ridiculous power trip he was on, is just continue to live my life and continue to love my girl and to keep him out of the mix and not let him get to my head. Because his little complex about my relationship and my girlfriend shouldn't effect me.

Fire and Brimstone

Yesterday I went to my parents Sunday school class and they are reading this really neat book called "Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture" by John Shelby Spong.

It brings a very interesting discussion in their class. While their class is talking about the contradiction of scriptures, the classes next door are utilizing them in the most fundamentalist way, well at least as fundamental as a Methodist can get I suppose.

Anyways, yesterday a woman in their class brought up that she doesn't believe that there is a hell. For me that put my belief in suspension. For the past few years I have come to this realization that I believe that no one is left out of the embrace of God. The most beautiful thing I believe about grace is that it is offered and given to everyone. Whether we accept it or not, it is freely given. So no one has to do anything, no one has to believe in any certain way, it is given to you with no commitments.

But then I started to think... wow I really believe that is a hell, or I guess I still do believe there is a hell, and it is a very real place. And how in the world does that fit in with my belief that everyone is spared from there? What then is the point of hell? Is hell a place that we experience on this earth? Is hell a place that we can choose to go to once we come to the gates of heaven, do we tell St. Peter, no I'd rather go there instead of here? Or is hell just where the 'devil' lives, is it where all sin, destruction, hopelessness, tragedy, and malice originate from? Is it a place where we could possibly go, or is it just a place where all of these terrible things we experience on earth that God could not possibly create because I believe He is a loving God, could come from?

I don't know, its something that I'm chewing on and know I will never come to answer, and I guess its not that big of an issue, but maybe it is. If this call of mine is real, I feel I need to come to some sort of conclusion on my beliefs on issues like these at some point.

I close with these words that are much more loftier and creative than my own...

“"Conversation"

God and I in space alone . . .
and nobody else in view . . .
"And where are all the people,
Oh Lord" I said,
"the earth below
and the sky overhead
and the dead that I once knew?"
"That was a dream," God smiled
and said: "The dream that seemed to
be true; there were no people
living or dead; there was no earth,
and no sky overhead,
there was only myself in you."
"Why do I feel no fear?" I asked,
"meeting you here in this way?
For I have sinned, I know full well
and is there heaven and is there hell,
and is this Judgement Day?"
"Nay, those were but dreams"
the Great God said, "dreams that have ceased to
be.
There are no such things as fear and sin;
there is no you . . . you never have been.
There is nothing at all but me."”
Ctrl_R

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Please Tell Me this is a JOKE!

Okay so I was bumming around in my office today, its a slow wednesday...

And I came across this guy's website... I thought that this has to be a joke, but the more I read the more aware of how serious this guy is...

Here's his music video...