Monday, July 14, 2008

Lesbian Rant

So this weekend I went to a birthday party of a friend of mine. I went with Jessica and we really didn't know many people there and the people we did know we didn't know exceptionally well, except for the birthday boy of course.

After a few drinks and about an hour of conversation this one person in particular decides that they know me well enough to make comments about my girlfriend and I. The comments ranged from flat out stupidity to down right disrespect. I literally thought for a brief moment that I was on some kind of hidden camera show.

The most unbelievable part about it was that I was so taken off guard that I just sat there. I was in such shock and disbelief that this person would even think to make comments like that, that I just stood there and the only thing I could muster up to defend her and myself was "Shut up!"

UGG! It made me so angry that someone can just have the audacity to assume they are the expert on your life and that they can make comments like that and think that I'm going to be okay with that. I wouldn't let my family or my best of friends say anything close to what this person was saying, how could I let someone who has known me for an hour do that? Why did I let him do that? It makes me so angry that this person used their privelage (white, heterosexual, male) to be discriminatory and harass another individual, and ultimately use the idea of 2 women being together for their own gratification. I've never experienced this type of discrimination and all I could do was just sit there and take it.

I knew that if I lashed out and became violent and angry that would just put more power into his hands. I would be seen as the 'irrational, angry, emotional, lesbian' on my power train. And yet I also let him speak like that about my relationship and about my girlfriend to where I wasn't strong enough in word or in body to defend any of those things. I felt like a coward.

But also I could see where this was being fueled from. The more I came to know this person (in the small amount of time that I did), the more insecurity I could see. I saw how much power I had over this individual, how much power this guy was allowing my relationship to have over him. He couldn't recognize nor celebrate the love that is abounding in my relationship, because it threatened him. He might not realize this, but my relationship with my girlfriend was threatening to his privilege, I had taken away his power. So he tries to use this power even more to make himself feel more in control and powerful.

So I guess what I can do to combat this ridiculous power trip he was on, is just continue to live my life and continue to love my girl and to keep him out of the mix and not let him get to my head. Because his little complex about my relationship and my girlfriend shouldn't effect me.

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