Control

I'm a self proclaimed control freak.

When things are out of my hands and I can't have any influence over the outcome, I turn into the worst version of myself.



When I can lead the horse to water but can't make it drink, I'll try and drown it. (Animal right activists, this is simply a metaphor).


Right now most of my life has jumped out of my reach to be able to control. I've found myself living in different circumstances than I had anticipated, and planned. I had a hand in controlling the destiny I saw myself living. But things out of my control happened, well 'happened' is such a mundane word compared to my life... seized fits.

So right now I'm learning to be content with the way things are now, but I'm not necessarily happy about it. I'm dealing, because that's the only thing that I really have control of, and to lose control of that would be too much. So right now I'm controlling the dealing.

Dealing is funny, well not really... Right now I don't even know if what I'm doing is dealing. I'm just kind of in this angry place, pouting because I'm not where I was planning on being.