Thoughts on Love and Change

So last night I was watching the L word and its the episode that Shane leaves Carmen at the altar of their wedding day. And the reason that she has left is because her father has left his wife to sleep around with other women. She's constantly reminded throughout the show that she is just like him, and that she's got his character. I think that she sees how this character can hurt someone and shatter someone's dream of a family and children.

I don't think Shane left Carmen out of selfishness, I think that she left Carmen because she felt that her character could never change, and that she didn't want to end up hurting Carmen. UHHH! This broke my heart. I can't stand it when I get so involved with fictional characters that I'm heart broken the next morning because of what was written in a script and happened on the television the night before. But it got me thinking. Can love change a person, or does a person always stay who they were before the relationship?

I mean I believe that all relationships have an effect on who you are and how you make decisions and why you react in certain ways. But I'm still confused if relationships can completely change your person. Speaking from personal experience: the 2 relationships I have been in over my lifetime have been completely different. The first was a constant struggle to not allow myself to completely change, my soul would not allow it, even if I tried, I could not change who I was. It wasn't possible and it allowed me to spiral into a deep dark place. But once I finally realized what was occurring, I couldn't allow it to happen anymore. So I ended it.

But now that I'm in this new relationship, it feels different. I wouldn't say that I'm the same person I was before I was in this relationship, but I also feel comfortable being myself. Its a strange feeling, wanting to become a better person, but also trying to keep your personhood ( i think i just made up this word :) )
This relationship drives me to want to do better, be better, feel better. But it also doesn't ask me to be someone that I'm no where close to being. Not saying that this doesn't come without hardship, sometimes it does feel like I am stretching myself to react in a way that isn't my first instinct, or to say something that isn't the first thing that comes to mind. I'm learning to be a more loving, more gracious, more patient individual while being with another individual who is very much an individual. I'm learning to love that person with all their individuality, their quirks, bad days, baggage and faults. And to my surprise I'm realizing that I'm loved and graciously accepted with all of mine.

Here's to change!