Seperation

Solid ground is a good feeling to have under your feet. For the past year, well maybe more than that, I felt like the soil has been eroding out from under me. I can remember the exact day and time when I comprehended what was happening to me.

It was last summer at a small little church near Grandbury, Texas where I felt the presence of God leave my side. Some would argue with me that God is never going to leave you, He's never going to step away from you. I would disagree because I felt it happen in the very depths of my soul. For a long time I had stepped away, I didn't pay much attention to anything except for the shiny glow that seemed to emit from me and the faces in awe of me as I stood there with my glowing charasmatic self.

I'm pretty sure God had enough of it. So he decided to take a break from wrestling with me. He left me to try and be shiny on my own. That didn't last for too long.

This past year has been hard without Him, but recently He's decided to try again. It's like I was being buried alive and didn't even realize it. I feel renewed and I guess you could say "reborn". I don't know if its just that He feels pity on me because of the mess that I was in, or if He is just bored and needs a new project, but I think grace falls somewhere in there as well.

NYC doesn't know what's coming to them!

Well, here I am... procrastinating my life away online...
Typing my first post while I'm watching Super Nanny reminds me of freshman year when I would find myself up in the "wee hours" of the morning gushing my heart out to Xanga.

But somehow maturity and adulthood has taken place and I'm a new woman!.....
HA! Who am I kidding?!!? I know I am the craziest person that you know. So here we are again... the blog has made its way back into my life.

Rooster came to visit me today. It was so wonderful to see her, even though it was for only a short while. She's been my rock this past year and has always listened to my drama, even when it has gotten to the point of being made into a Lifetime movie. And she's always known how to make me laugh and smile. She's moving to New York and I could not be more proud of her. We both are starting new phases in our lives and its exciting to see in each other. I'm going to miss my Lizard!

This is in honor of my roommate:

There Comes the Strangest Moment

"There comes the strangest moment in your life,
when everything you thought before breaks free-
what you relied upon, as ground-rule and as rite
looks upside down from how it used to be.

Skin's gone pale, your brian is shedding cells;
you question every tenet you set down;
obedient thoughts have turned to infidels
and every verb desires to be a noun.

I want- my want. I love- my love. I'll stay
with you. I thought transitions were the best,
but I want what's here to never go away.
I'll make my peace, my bed, and kiss this breast...

Your heart's retrograde. You simply have no choice.
Things people told you turn out to be true.
You have to hold that body, hear that voice.
You'd have sworn no one knew you more than you.

How many people thought you'd never change?
But here you have. It's beautiful. It's strange."
-Kate Light-