I will not let the rocks cry out!

I have a love hate relationship with the church. It's an interesting thing when the plans are for you to be a pastor, and you aren't really happy with how affairs are in the place you are headed. The United Methodist Church has had the opportunity time and time again to stand up and give us some proof that they mean what they say by their mission statement "Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors." That's a load of bologna!

God's plan for me is grand! I know it. Sometimes God has to speak rather loudly to get my attention, and for my calling into the ministry He came with banners and fireworks and a force that I could not deny. When I was in the 6th grade and was going through confirmation the climax of our time in study was a ceremony welcoming us into the church and being baptized if we chose to do so. My parents really chose for me, I didn't really know what the hullabaloo was about, I just knew that they really wanted to see me be baptized. How was some water going to change me? What I didn't know was as I was thinking that while kneeling next to my peers at the altar, God was on his way down the aisle with his banners, and fireworks and force that I could not deny. As my pastor made his way down the line and eventually in front of my bowed head, my family laid their hands on me. My pastor splashed a handful of water on my head and a few seconds later I felt the force I could not deny. It was as if all the energy, all of the life in my body had left me, I was a lifeless piece of matter being held by those around me. Then as my pastor made his way to the next of my peers in line I felt a rush of energy enter my body that felt like a hurricane. I can't describe it, it was the most sustaining, sure, and safe place I've ever been in my life. It was then that I knew that God had big plans in store for me.

As I grew older I became to be more aware of what my gifts were, what God had instilled in me that day kneeling at the altar. I became aware. As I grew older I also became increasingly aware of feelings and thoughts that I knew weren't widely accepted by the church and especially by society. I remember one time telling my friend that I wanted to kiss another girl in my class at the lunch table. I remember the reaction from my friend, and quickly shutting up so not to step out of the box that I had been placed into. For a long time I knew that my feelings weren't how society and the church wanted them to be. But God had instilled them in me, I couldn't get rid of them, I couldn't get them to go away, so I decided to just be silent and try to forget about them. But I should have known, God was not going to be silent, he was going to come with banners, fireworks and a force I could not deny to show me that who he created me to be was loved and cared about in his eyes. He showed me that who he created me to be was much bigger than an institution, than a set of beliefs, than society. And that the person he created in me and the plans that he had for me were big! And weren't meant to be kept silent.

My denomination that I belong to (the United Methodist Church) has another thing coming to them if they think they can silence me and who I am. Luke 19:40 reads, "I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." Those stones aren't going to be crying out if I have anything to do with it. God showed me early on that he had big plans for my life. What if Jesus had kept silent? Hadn't preached a message of love, acceptance and grace? What if he had not spoken up for the woman who was to be stoned? What if he had not advocated for the poor and the marginalized? What if he hadn't become angry and vocal in the temple? What if he had just left the lame and the sick to die and be forgotten about? Jesus didn't, he came to bring the banners, fireworks and a force that couldn't be denied. He came to bring a message of love and inclusiveness. He came to open hearts, open minds and open doors.

Just because my church tries to silence me doesn't mean that I'm going to let the rocks cry out. What if as a pastor, or better yet, as a Christian I never reached out to the sick and the lame? What would happen if I never advocated for the poor and the marginalized? What would happen if I never spoke of the atrocious and terrible way that this world is unbalanced? What if I never spoke of love, grace and inclusiveness? What if I kept silent? I would be denying the person who I was created to be and more importantly, the message the Jesus came to deliver.

So when my church thinks they can silence me, they've got another thing coming to them. Because when it is my time to be in the pulpit, to deliver my message, I'm going to change hearts, challenge minds and bust open doors! And when they try and silence me, I will bring the banners, the fireworks, and I will bring a force that they will not be able to deny.