My love letter to Trinity UMC

So last week my pastor asked me along with 2 other people to speak at this Sunday's services about why we love Trinity. I really loved sharing this, but wow, it was emotional and vulnerable. 2 things I really have a hard time doing in front of a large group.

Here's my love letter to Trinity UMC:

When I was a kid my parents sent me to this great summer camp every year, probably to get me to unwind my rambunctious spirit that was ready to break free after school had let out. But I usually came back from camp more fired up for more activity. When I was twelve I came back home from camp that summer and something was different. You see I had come back and had felt a different kind of spirit moving inside of me in a way I had never felt before. I had experienced an awakening in myself, and I was certain that in the future I was going to be a pastor. I can’t explain how I knew this, but I did. I had lots of questions and worries, feelings of fear and being inadequate. But my local church supported me, helped me explore what ministry was and helped foster the growth of my gifts that they recognized as ‘gifts for ministry.’

Jump ahead to 2007. 3 years ago, it was my senior year at Southwestern University, I had all my plans figured out, I knew who I was and where I was going. I assumed I was straight and I was going to seminary to become a United Methodist pastor, I had it all figured out. But I wasn’t prepared for what would happen next. Something else began to stir inside of me again, turned my world upside down, something I had never felt before, and something so strong and incredibly true. I had fallen madly in love with my best friend, Jessica. We’ve been together for almost three years and if you ask me how much I love her, I will tell you more than the depths of anything any part of me could ever reach.

It wasn’t long after coming out, that I realized that two very prominent aspects of me, my call to ministry and my newly discovered sexual orientation were seen as “incompatible with Christian teaching” to the denomination and the church that had supported me through much of my young and adolescent life. It was the United Methodist Church that had recognized my call, they were the ones who helped foster and identify my gifts, and they were the ones who had surrounded me with all the support a community of faith should. But I guess now they could only support part of me. Even though I was heart-broken, I was determined to continue on this path, hoping that things would change.

When Jessica and I started to think about our future together we talked about the areas in our life that were important to grow and focus on as a couple. One of those things was to find a supportive faith community. We knew we needed a community that not only supported us as a couple but a place that would be open to our individual experiences, beliefs and gifts. We found that and so much more here at Trinity.

The first day we walked through those doors, we sat down and immediately connected to the energy that fills this space. Each week we began to feel more and more connected, more and more supported, more and more loved. We were hooked!

By being a part of this community, I have been given so many opportunities to build a fuller version of myself. I am able to tap into a more mature spiritual lens than I had before by being a part of WNL classes, listening to Sid’s sermons, and through the variety of worship experiences here. I see God as being much more loving and present among us, through your prayers that you share every week, giving me the space to share mine, and to know that the love that this group embodies will go with me when I leave this place. I have

I have found much needed strength to go through my candidacy for ordination in the most honest way, as the complete version of myself, knowing that I will probably be denied ordination because of it. When that happens I know that I can turn to this community to surround me with love and support.

This is the type of community that I long our larger denomination to mirror, I long for our world to mirror. I don’t want to be mistaken as sounding too idealistic; I know that even the best communities have their flaws. But from my experience, I step into this space every week and I see a glimpse of what the world could be like.

Starhawk, an American writer, eco-feminist and activist, has a really wonderful way of seeing community, and is how I feel about Trinity:

We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free.-