Thoughts for July 18th

So I'm realizing that this is the time in life to really screw up. Well maybe not in that crude of terms, but really, right now is the perfect time for mess ups and mishaps.

I used to get so hung up on things, I felt like I had to perform at such a perfect level, and in turn I was constantly letting myself down. I don't really know where that comes from, being the oldest child, being an athlete, growing up in an elitist Christian environment.

It's so hard because there's this unspoken (and for many of us clearly spoken) expectation to be sure of everything. Be sure how you feel, be sure what you're going to do in life, be sure of where you are going, etc. I used to be there, had my 10 year plan. Then it completely changed, I'm not even close to where I thought I was going to be 5 years ago, not even a year ago.

I remember talking to my dad one time about my life, and he shared somethings about his own life with me. He told me that when living your life mistakes will happen and things do change, but if you don't accept that you will never know what it means to live your life. Mistakes and changes teach you more about who you are and what this world is about. If we didn't screw up every once in awhile and things didn't go our way every now and then, our lives wouldn't have any stories to tell.

I just really think that life is about living it.

Does it hurt to be nice?

Alright so right now let me update you on the situation....

I'm sitting outside at the Domain, catching up on my independent study, and being stared down by this psycho brand-name woman.

I really didn't think that the day would happen when I would want to wip out my brass nuckles.

I'm sitting across from starbucks and there are these lovely comfy chairs outside, in the shade, and right by an outlet so I can charge my laptop. She is sitting there with all of her bags from her day of shopping spread around her. There is a chair next to her which I clearly was under the impression that it wasn't taken. So I waltz over there to ask politely.

I ask and she spits something out at me in another language, no I did not misundertand her, it was clearly not English. So I asked again and this time I swear she said no. So I began to set my stuff down thinking I could just sit quietly and do my work. Then all of a sudden she jumps from her chair, points at me and shouts "I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS USING THAT CHAIR!" So I quickly back off and go to the other side of the courtyard to sit on the hard concrete near the screaming playground.

I then look over and see her place her bags that were on the floor onto the chair that I really wanted to sit it. She then caught my eye and said... "Hey... (insert bad word here), what the hell are you looking at?"

And here's where I was torn, I really just wanted to answer "Hey crazy psycho in your Gucci shadeware, I'm looking at you and am appauled that you could possibly want to treat someone the way that you have me." But instead I said, "nothing." She then started walking over towards me and said, "you're looking at nothing? NOThing?" You think that this body is nothing? I guess I'd be lookin too, in ENVY"

Then I made the mistake of speaking... "Miss I don't know you so I don't know if your body is really worth anything." Haha! I didn't really mean to say it like that, but I crapped it up. She then began to morph into a mix between the Disney movie's version of Cruella D'ville, a gremlin, and a piece of old licorice you'd find underneath your couch from a movie night 3 years ago. I thought she was going to open her Fendi bag and a little demon was going to take me to the underworld.

Then she screamed something else at me in the language she spoke earlier, and I wanted to be like "HAH! I KNEW YOU WERE SPEAKING TO ME IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE!" But I didn't remained calm and began to ignore her, while secretly wishing that a local squirrel would come bite her in the tatas. And now she is trying to stare me down... really I can feel that old licorice evil glare.

Seriously... it was just a chair, and obviously a misunderstanding. Would it hurt her just to get off her crack and just be nice to me?

Whispers of Sweet Nothings

Alright so after reading yesterday's post I realize that it was a little ranty. I didn't mean for it to be a bash on Christianity but more of a splash of cold water to wake everyone up a bit.

Anyways, to counteract my negativity from yesterday I'll let you know what's going on in my life right now.

I'm living in Round Rock (friends come to visit!) with my new roommate Leigh Ann Mingle. We are sharing a lovely 1 bedroom, yes folks, 1 bed 1 bath apartment. We are going to become very close these next 5 months :). I love my apartment, we've got a great view. It's really like living in the canopy of the rain forest, animals and all (I.E. the largest bug that I've ever seen attacked our balcony the other day).

I'm working in Round Rock and looooove my job. Yeah I probably complain about it way more than I should, but its like any job and has its pains. But overall I love the people I work with. Oh yeah, how about I tell you where I work. I work at LifeSteps which is a nonprofit organization that offers free programs to teach drug and alcohol prevention. There are also a lot of other cool programs and counseling that is available. I'm working with a program called Kids Connection. I have 6 schools I'm responsible for in the Gtown and RR school district. I go into those schools and lead small groups made up of K-3 graders. We talk about Friends, and Making Good Choices, and Anger Management, and Diversity. All these kids are "at risk youth" which are children that have been exposed to drug and alcohol abuse in their families or they meet a certain criteria that makes them susceptible to that.

Basically I color all day at my desk in my office or I am in the schools hanging out with kids all day long! I haven't gotten to actually do it yet, but I am so excited to start with my kids!

I'm trying to start playing volleyball again. I'm trying to read more. I'm trying to learn how to cook better food for myself when my roommate doesnt cook for me ( I love Leigh Ann!). I'm trying to do good things for my body outside when its not raining... that hasn't happened yet.

So basically I'm pretty busy, but I'm doing very well. I feel alive and like I can take on all of these things with so much energy. I feel renewed and refreshed and I'm ready for this next stage of my life!

Kelly Clarkson and Jesus

So I'm currently in the market for a new church. Over the past 4 years my views of spirituality and Christianity and of God have changed drastically, but I really haven't taken action to find a new church that can help cultivate that.

So I figure its time.

I really enjoyed the church I went to this past Sunday. It was called Congregational Church of Austin and here reads their mission statement...
"If you are looking for a small, friendly church where everyone will quickly know your name...where you'll be loved and accepted regardless of your age, class, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation...where you'll be challenged to reflect on your beliefs, acknowledge your doubts, ask your questions and grow in your faith...where God's desire for compassion, healing, reconciliation, and justice is preached...where you're given the opportunity to put your faith into action through effective outreach ministries...then we hope to get to know you as a new friend. No matter who you are or where you are in your journey, you are welcome here."

I loved it! During their announcements, the sermon, the hymns, everything was very much about justice. Right up my alley. Not to mention the pastor talked about Kelly Clarkson for about 20 minutes. Right now I'm planning on looking around to some others, but this one really made me think about my church back home and the church worldwide.

My church back home upsets me more and more everyday. The more I talk to people who go there about the problems and politics that arise, the more upset I get. I think it has to do with the fairytale faith that I had there before college being repainted for me. I can see that I was extremely naiive to the fact that there were people who didn't like each other, people who hated our pastor, people who ignored "non-white" visitors.

I honestly thought it was Disneyworld in my younger years. While most of my friends were going out to have fun, I would be at church everyday of the week trying to find something that I could do. I was sheltered from the politics and from the divides. Now I am extremely aware of what is going on and I don't even live there. And quite frankly it pisses me off to see how dead not only my church but the church worldwide truly is.

What I see as being the major problem with the community of faith in general is that there is a lack of action. And I honestly don't see how anyone can hear the gospel of Jesus and think that its just a pew-sitting frame of mind. Jesus didn't just stay in Bethlehem, he was a travelin man! The scripture this past Sunday at the church I visited was from Luke 11... "He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father. Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

Jesus proclaims, "Follow me." Follow him to the children, follow him to the hungry, to the sick, to the broken-hearted, to the hard-hearted, to the poor, to the oppressed, to the places that no one wants to go! If we just sit in the pew, bow our heads, say Amen at the right time and get up and go about our day as if we have not heard a thing, we are not where Christ is.

It is rare that I can find a church that is like the one I went to on Sunday. One that knows that being a "political church" doesn't mean having rifts between its members, but it means being a church who is not afraid to take a stand for the justice and freedom of others. You can't be a Christian and not be political is my philosophy. Jesus was extremely political. He constantly was a presence for the people, and was constantly taking a stand for the oppressed and marginalized.

Now I'm not saying that a church or even a person needs to take political sides (Democrat, Republican, Libertarian) based on what they think Jesus would do, because I don't see Jesus doing that in the gospels. What I do mean is that the church cannot turn its head from the world anymore, it can no longer be a place where we go on Sunday morning to escape the realness of what is going on in our day and forget about the faces, the bodies, the lives that we see and hear about.

Christ is calling the church into the world! He is calling the body of believers to be present among the oppressed and the marginalized. He is calling pastors to address hard and real issues. He is calling us to make a stand and to speak on the behalf of those who are unable to do so.

How powerful would this truly be if the church would just take the call of Christ seriously?